man-o-pause

Male Self Acceptance

Helping to get in touch with one's masculinity was the purpose of the blog, The New Bloke. He is (was) a man with self confidence who advocates that men do blokey stuff. (Bloke is UK-speak for a "guys guy".) "Blokeyness is about being an everyday male. It has become almost politically incorrect to be a male in western civilization. The New Man was a con. He was held up as an example to us all, mainly because he would buy lots of clothes and grooming products," writes Shoo Rayner.

By day Mr. Rayner is a children’s author and has spent half his lifetime working with women. At the age of fifty, he woke up and realized that he was not a New Man, in touch with his feminine side, but an old-fashioned, competitive bloke.

Sadly, we can no longer follow Shoo’s exploits as his is a blog orphan :-(

You can visit him at his author Web site and, in his words, his boring adult blog, Man Over Fifty.

Symptoms of Early Midlife Crisis

Thirty-something men apparently are more disillusioned, misdirected and apathetic than ever. According to Alden Cass, a clinical psychologist and performance coach, when reality doesn't meet expectations, he finds that younger men experience the equivalent of the male mid-life crisis at a younger age.

Perfectionist personality types tend to exhibit these symptoms and Cass focuses his findings on the financial sector, which attracts the more Type A personality.

So if you're not on Wall Street or the Chicago Mercantile and don't have unrealistic expectations, don't worry, be happy. See following post :-)

Men ARE Happier Than Women - It's Official

If the New York Times prints it, then it's true. That's my rule. Researchers have identified a "Happiness Gap" between men and women. In just over 30 years, women and men have switched places on the satisfaction scale.

At the core are work/balance issues. Men appear to be working less and relaxing more, whereas women are still doing double duty.

What has changed — and what seems to be the most likely explanation for the happiness trends — is that women now have a much longer to-do list than they once did (including helping their aging parents). They can’t possibly get it all done, and many end up feeling as if they are somehow falling short.

I think the difference boils down to expectations. Dust bothers me, for example. As the writer of this article points out, since there has been no dust-related technology in the last four decades, houses are probably dirtier than they were when we were growing up. Apparently, the new American dustiness is affecting women's happiness more than men's.

Unhappiness In Men

Are men less happy than women? Is the midlife crisis a marker event that defines you or expands you?

This week LifeTwo.com dedicates the week to improved happiness inspired by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar and his book Happier. Thirty years ago, Dr. Leo Busgalia became famous as the "Love" doctor teaching college courses and holding seminars broadcast during PBS fundraisers. Today, we have websites, blogs and podcasts devoted to helping people live happier more productive lives.

Happiness, love, and contentment are all part of a continuum toward personal growth. You can always be happier. Therefore, as recommended by Ben-Shahar, the question should not be whether you are happy but what you can do to become happier. Better yet, ask yourself, "How can I be happier now and in the future?" Figuring out the answer to this last question and then doing something about it is the goal of LifeTwo's "How To Be Happy" week.

For me, it's been a lifelong pursuit, and I think now that I may have finally found an avenue to financial freedom I'll gladly let go the struggle. While it's been said that money can't make you happy, it sure helps.

Baby Boomer Career Made In Hog Heaven

A perfect midlife career transition might be self-employment by way of franchise ownership. According to Scott Yarnell, GuruFocus, "... For the patient investor who enjoys accumulating, at reasonable prices, those rare privileged companies with a durable business franchise, current market conditions offer such an opportunity with Harley-Davidson (HOG).

"... Warren Buffet has explained that the test for a business franchise is how much harm a competitor can do to the company if the competitor did not behave rationally with regard to its own performance. In the case of Harley, the well established mystic of owning a Harley among its devoted customers appears impossible for others to imitate. Harley customers pay a premium for both the image and quality of a Harley motorcycle. The company has managed to create an entire culture.

"Although I have seen many willing to adorn their bodies with the Harley name, I have yet to see anyone with a Honda motorcycle tattoo (and not for lack of looking). For most of its customers, a Harley is the only motorcycle they will purchase. This strong brand loyalty among its customers seems to cement Harley’s status as a durable business franchise. Harley has over 49% of the market for heavyweight motorcycles in the U.S. while its closest competitor has only 15%..."

While this is not a stock recommendation, I do think it offers some insight into a viable middle age career change. If you're turning 50, why not have fun with the quintessential "male midlife crisis" product.

Menopause Man - The Book

"Mel Mathews is a sensitive observer of the human condition, with an emphasis on the Male Human Condition of our time. He has created a character in Malcolm Clay that is a baby boomer Holden Caulfield, a variation on John Updike’s Rabbit Angstrom, and he manages to take us by the hand and lead us through the bumpy terrain of current interpersonal relationships as well as anyone writing today." Read more about Mel Mathews and this USA Today review. Or look in the sidebar under "Nick's Picks" for the Amazon info page.

Menopause Man is the middle of a trilogy about a mid-life man stuck in a boring but successful occupation. I don't ususally recommend books that I haven't read, but the review describes such fine writing ("the novel calls for pause to enjoy the sheer ebullience of the verbiage") and I'm been known to devour well-written books in one sitting.

Take a look. The Malcolm Clay Trilogy may make the perfect gift for the midlife man in your life.

Mayo Clinic On Male Menopause

Age-related hormone changes are very different in men than in women. Unlike the more dramatic hormone plunge that occurs in women during menopause, hormone changes in men occur gradually, over a period of many years, the effects of which are often subtle and not noticed until much later in life. Some men are never affected by lower hormone levels at all — while some have physical and psychological symptoms that can include changes in sexual function, energy levels or mood.

Learn more about male menopause: myth or reality at MayoClinic.com.

When A Man Loves A Woman

Did anyone else but me snicker at the scene on FXs new show Damages when Glenn Close's controlling character couldn't figure out how to use/program TIVO? After several frustrating moments, her husband gently removes the control and, with one click, completes the selection.

Since the dawn of cable television perhaps, the control of the remote defined control of the household. In our household it's boldly known as, "Who Has the Con?" [For those Gene Hackman and Denzel Washington fans, you'll get it.]

A marriage counselor friend once told me that crisis in marriage often results from a power struggle. As Dr. Phil would say, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"

Today, I'm offering to end the debate and marital strife by offering a solution where both men and women can be in control.

These his and hers remote controls may also be the perfect baby boomer gift. Click to enlarge for the real humour.