man-o-pause

Injustice in the Justice System: The Shame of Juvenile Incarceration

Statistics prove it; recent events in Jena, LA confirm it. USA Today's editorial, "In La., a missed opportunity ignites a racial uproar," (10/05/2007), fulfills its mission "to serve as a forum for better understanding and unity to help make the USA truly one nation," Al Neuharth, Founder, wrote September 15, 1982.

Clearly I am not black nor male but I remember the '68 race riots in Detroit. I was only in grade school but remember trying to make sense of the anger in the streets. My father was particularly shaken because many of his customers were black and lived within the city limits. The city was in lock down. He didn't work for three days, and the good people were prisoners in their own homes.

But I believe the bigger story has been hidden. Until now.

Congresswoman Barbara Lee (D-Oakland), states that public policy in California drives the building of more prisons and pulls no punches in this YouTube video.

When

• a five-year-old is handcuffed and taken to jail for having a 30-minute temper tantrum


• a nine-year-old is charged with attempted armed robbery with only a towel wrapped around his hands


• five students, 14 to 18, were charged with second degree murder for a school fight and their tennis shoes deemed "lethal weapons"

our communities and leaders should be ashamed.

The Gathering For Justice addresses this sickening scope of juvenile incarceration. Spearheaded by some of the most notable thought leaders in the black community (Harry Belafonte, Marion Wright Edelman, Dr. Cornel West, Ruby Dee, and others), The Gathering evolved out of the understanding that civil rights and social justice organizations require national solidarity and collective focus to stop the political and moral obscenities that are severely undermining our justice system and violating the most sacred tenets of the U.S. Constitution.

They have created an intergenerational, interracial, and multicultural space where like-minded individuals can work together to change the justice process.

As the atrocities of WWII were being revealed, a man was asked, "What is the nature of evil?"

"It is when good men do nothing," he said.

The purpose of this blog is to encourage, educate, inspire and, on this occasion, to engender outrage among virtuous men. Watch the video and you'll see what I mean.

Self-Acceptance: Get In Touch With Your Masculinity

The New Bloke is a man with self confidence who advocates that men do blokey stuff. (Bloke is UK-speak for a "guys guy".)

"Blokeyness is about being an everyday male. It has become almost politically incorrect to be a male in western civilization. The New Man was a con. He was held up as an example to us all, mainly because he would buy lots of clothes and grooming products," writes Shoo Rayner.

By day Mr. Rayner is a children’s author and has spent half his lifetime working with women. At the age of fifty, he woke up and realized that he was not a New Man, in touch with his feminine side, but an old-fashioned, competitive bloke.

Follow Shoo’s exploits as he comes to terms with his masculinity and tries to become The New Bloke.

Masculine Virtue - Chivalry Lives

Today I discovered Sean Patrick of New York and his insightful, cogent blog. I don't know the purpose or mission for this man's writings and, even though I'm a blogger, I really don't read blogs. (I know, sacrilege.) But I read several posts and thought you might enjoy his views as well at SPidge Tales. Preview: He gets punched in the face.

Remember, masculinity attracts women.

Man-Making: Healing the Hurt

I watched a video produced by the non-profit Boys to Men that gave a snapshot of the healing potential when we acknowledge what's broke inside. What struck me most was that the father in the video needed to recognize how and why he was pushing his son to meet unrealistic expectations. The father cried more than his son.

I think, to some degree, we are all damaged inside. There are millions of men who are trying to do right by their sons, but the little boy inside was never cherished. I believe the weekend was as powerful a transforming experience for the midlife men as it was for their sons.

When you heal yourself, you heal your son.

To Blog or Twoo Blave?*

Anyone who's seen the movie, The Princess Bride, will understand this title? Internet surfing is a lateral, stream of consciousness activity for me. In fact, I despised the early Internet because I could never find my way back from where I'd started. Even now, it takes some time to figure out how many links I followed to end up where I am two hours later.

I use RSS feeds to alert me to blog posts of a handful of writers, mostly marketing related. Seth Godin writes a post advocating blogging, even if you have only one post in you. When I started blogging, I was scared. I didn't want to reveal too much personal stuff. But after a few timid entries, I found my voice. I like to believe my blog serves a higher purpose as a public service. But at the end of the day, it's a fun, creative outlet with no pressure to make money at it.

Seth says, ..."what if there's just one thing you need to say, but you can say it clearly and well and in a way that hasn't been said before?"

I scroll through the trackbacks and there's Mr. Besilly's blog post entitled, "10 Life Lessons From Princess Bride."

Here's #10: "Fairy tales are a great reminder that happy endings are possible if you believe in them. We sacrifice for those things we believe in."

I don't want to spoil the fun. You have to visit his blog for #1-9.

I'm glad he had this post in him. And I'm glad I scrolled and clicked and found something of value. Sometimes that's all it takes.

*translation: True Love

Are You My Father?

Newly hatched sea turtles possess instinctual survival behaviors that cause them to pop up through the sand and race toward the ocean.

Joseph Campbell describes this innate releasing mechanism as animal behavior instinctually utilizing their hardwiring to respond to circumstances they have never before experienced, in order to guarantee the survival of their species.

One of the premises of Earl Hipp's book, Man-Making, is that "men and boys are hardwired in this same way for important and necessary actions between them. This is why, at the onset of adolescence, boys begin to pay attention to men. They instinctually look for clues about what it means to be an adult male; how to feel, think, emote, laugh, posture, and relate as a man. They know something amazing is going on inside them, and consciously or not, they know men have their answers."

The complete post can be found on his Journey to Manhood blog here.

When a person remarries and children are involved, the excitement of a new, physical intimacy gives way to tumultuous, emotional truths. I think it's called the "blended family" because first you have to go through a blender!

In the beginning, I was fortunate. My son introduced my new husband excitedly to his friends by saying, "Now I have two dads." But that was before we actually exchanged vows and the novelty of sharing my affections wore off.

On the day after our out-of-town wedding we stopped at a Chinese restaurant on the way to the airport. It was Father's Day. The waiter asked if we'd like the "father's day special," and my seven-year-old son said, "He's not my father."

The waiter and I exchanged glances, and he said, "I understand. I'm a step-dad too."

My husband responded with empathy and said, "I know I'm not your dad, but I'd like to be your friend."

"When men trust their hardwiring and step into some form of action, it feels right to both the men and the boys," says Earl.

Over the years, my husband rose to the challenge, despite the thankless job of step-parenting an adolescent. My son absorbed precious gifts, critical knowledge, and necessary skills for his journey to manhood.

"When men get clearer about their place in the male hierarchy and trust their hardwiring, the result is Man-Making, men helping boys on their combined journey to manhood," writes Earl.

Today, that baby sea turtle (my son) has developed the strong, mental overcoat necessary to survive in an often harsh and unsympathetic world as well as the masculine virtues essential to living an authentic emotional life.

Any man willing to share in the raising of another man's child is not only a Father, he's also a Hero.

Happy Father's Dad!

May No Soldier Go Unloved

In these uncertain times, upon this U.S. Memorial Day, one thing is certain: enlisted men and women sacrifice and serve to protect our freedom, values and way of life. I refuse to debate the politics of war. Suffice it to say, "War is hell."

Today I make an appeal to my readers to consider adopting a soldier through the organization Soldiers' Angels, founded by Patti Patton-Bader, great niece of General George S. Patton. What started out as a mother's small commitment to her son, soon turned into the country's largest military support non-profit organizations. Their mission is to assist deployed troops around the world.

Soldiers' Angels sends care packages and letters of encouragement to those in the field, provides first response backpacks and blankets of hope to the wounded, ships voice activated laptops to soldiers who have lost their arms, hands, or sight, and delivers "living trees" to the fallen hero's families who have paid the ultimate sacrifice.

On this Memorial Day, let us embrace the fallen hero and remember the great Servers of humanity, One of Whom gave us these eternal words:

Lead us Lord,
from darkness to light,
from the unreal to the real,
from death to immortality,
from chaos to Beauty.

What Are You Worth?

A few posts ago, I featured an online friend of mine, Dennis Gaskill, who elaborated on the difference between self-image, self-worth and self-esteem. In my inbox this morning, was another gem of an article that I would like to share in part.

Dennis writes, "Most of us were taught to find our self-worth from temporary conditions external to our beings. That does not work. That is dysfunctional and explains many of the problems people have with low self-esteem. No person or circumstances outside of you can define your internal truth and real self-worth unless you let them.

"Whether seen from the perspective of spirituality or from the naked psychological imperative to develop a healthy self-image, the struggle for self-worth is always an internal one. I or others can write about it, but unless you take up the quest on your own, it will not having much meaning for you. Reading something once and agreeing with it intellectually is not the same as making it your own.

Here are Dennis' seven keys to self-worth. (Click the link for the full version.)

• Self-acceptance.


• Self-responsibility: We must own our thoughts, actions, and emotions and be responsible for them. We cannot blame our parents, family, friends or others; nor can we blame our location, education, environment, childhood, race, gender, or any other external factors for who've we've become, who we are becoming, or what we've done in the past. It's accepting that no one else is responsible for your happiness and no one is here to live up to your expectations for them.


• Self-justification: It is your right to exist. You are not here to live up to anyone else's expectations. Your life does not belong to another. You exist, and that is the only justification you need to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to tell you who you should be.


• Self-reflection: Without self-reflection we cannot make personal value judgments about our behavior and character. We do not judge ourselves to condemn ourselves, but we must now and then contemplate our life to discover where we have went amiss so we can learn from our mistakes and experience.


• Sense of Purpose.


• Personal Integrity.


• Selflessness.

Several years ago, a lecturer described how he had lost everything: spouse, home, friends, possessions because he was betrayed by his best friend. In that moment of crisis, he asked himself a crucial question. "Who am I now?" He survived, his integrity intact.

If your worth is determined by the external, my question is this: "Who will you ever become?"

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Dennis Gaskill is the creator and owner of BoogieJack.com - a popular webmasters resource site. A published book author on web design, he also publishes the award-winning Almost a Newsletter and has written several eBooks, as well as ghost-writes for others. Visit his site for free web graphics and tutorials, as well as webmaster software and educational tools for beginning to advanced students.