man-o-pause

Male Midlife Anxiety

It's been said that correlation is not causation, but when I saw a doubling of traffic two days ago, it made me wonder.

Over the past several months, Baby Boomer men in particular have been getting hammered financially. You'd have to be living under a rock not to be aware of the economic malaise hammering our confidence and bank accounts. Since most men are hardwired to equate their masculinity with their ability to provide, the recent gyrations in the financial markets coupled with news of massive layoffs has most men freaking out. Hence, the spike in traffic. At least that's my theory.

Even if you have a good job, your future is still uncertain. Your 401K has been halved, and you believe that there's only so much time to replenish your savings for that ever-elusive "retirement."

The irony is that men mostly created this Masters of the Universe mentality which has left Wall Street gasping for air. In "Maybe the Meldown's a Guy Thing," The New York Times refers to a research study that suggests raging male hormones may explain why those who rule global markets send them up when excited (aggression=testosterone) and then down when scared (fear=coritsol).

According to John M. Coates, a former trader who is now a senior research fellow in neuroscience and finance at the University of Cambridge, many traders are influenced by either a positive feedback loop; an increase in testosterone creates a "winners high" or a negative feedback loop; an increase in cortisol creates emotional fear-mongers.

With wide market swings, traders are being whipsawed by their hormones. Because women and older men are less likely to produce excess cortisol and lower levels of testosterone, he advises getting more of them on the trading floors.

It may not be the midlife career change you were looking for, but it would give you an opportunity to recoup your investments.

Job Burn Out or Midlife Crisis?

That boring job should sound an alarm, according to Phyllis Korkki, NY Times career coach. A twenty-year career coincides with midlife if you started that job in your twenties. If you're career isn't changing after 40, I would become suspicious. But just because your boring job collides with your middling years, doesn't necessarily mean that you're having a midlife crisis.

In fact, recognizing your boring job for what it is can be a wake-up call. Boredom is a symptom.

"Sometimes your very success can lead to boredom," said Rachelle J. Canter, career coach and author of Make the Right Career Move. "If you continue to do the same thing again and again, and you're good at it, people are going to ask you to do the same thing."

It's easy to blame the boss, your wife, or a "midlife crisis" on your current unhappiness, but, ultimately, you're the only one in charge of your career growth and happiness.

I've purposely avoided the corporate career track and now find myself at midlife working for a Fortune 500 company where 30-year careers are common. Even though I'm bored occasionally (the pace in corporate America is much slower than the hard-charging business start-up), it's still a new experience for me. (You can read about my own career transition here.)

Another employee, however, found himself feeling stuck. He'd been doing the same kind of work pretty much his entire tenure. When his boss recommended he apply for an assignment overseas, he found the idea exhilarating. Even though his commute increased from twenty minutes to two days, he's glad he made the move and describes himself as more engaged and enthused. All he needed was a midlife career correction, not necessarily a mid life career change.

So if you're bored at work, I suspect you need a new challenge. As a self-starter, I create challenges for myself all the time. For me, it's a sure-fire antidote to boredom. If you're waiting for a boss to challenge you, you may need to take the initiative to create challenges for yourself.

We want to be doing more than surviving midlife; we want to be thriving. At least I do.

Symptoms of Early Midlife Crisis

Thirty-something men apparently are more disillusioned, misdirected and apathetic than ever. According to Alden Cass, a clinical psychologist and performance coach, when reality doesn't meet expectations, he finds that younger men experience the equivalent of the male mid-life crisis at a younger age.

Perfectionist personality types tend to exhibit these symptoms and Cass focuses his findings on the financial sector, which attracts the more Type A personality.

So if you're not on Wall Street or the Chicago Mercantile and don't have unrealistic expectations, don't worry, be happy. See following post :-)

Baby Boomer Career Made In Hog Heaven

A perfect midlife career transition might be self-employment by way of franchise ownership. According to Scott Yarnell, GuruFocus, "... For the patient investor who enjoys accumulating, at reasonable prices, those rare privileged companies with a durable business franchise, current market conditions offer such an opportunity with Harley-Davidson (HOG).

"... Warren Buffet has explained that the test for a business franchise is how much harm a competitor can do to the company if the competitor did not behave rationally with regard to its own performance. In the case of Harley, the well established mystic of owning a Harley among its devoted customers appears impossible for others to imitate. Harley customers pay a premium for both the image and quality of a Harley motorcycle. The company has managed to create an entire culture.

"Although I have seen many willing to adorn their bodies with the Harley name, I have yet to see anyone with a Honda motorcycle tattoo (and not for lack of looking). For most of its customers, a Harley is the only motorcycle they will purchase. This strong brand loyalty among its customers seems to cement Harley’s status as a durable business franchise. Harley has over 49% of the market for heavyweight motorcycles in the U.S. while its closest competitor has only 15%..."

While this is not a stock recommendation, I do think it offers some insight into a viable middle age career change. If you're turning 50, why not have fun with the quintessential "male midlife crisis" product.

Identity Crisis | Mid life Men & Money

Paul B. Farrell, who experienced his own midlife career crisis, challenges men to unearth their deeply held secrets which sabotage their financial future, in a recent essay.

He's had some experience with midlife crisis psychology and his position is that investors are irrational and clueless about their motivations.

"The fact is your investment 'strategies' have less to do with your so-called rational brain than with old junk left by your mother, father, childhood traumas, school failures, rejections, deaths and other emotional shocks that secretly rewired your brain long ago," he writes.

Secret Saboteurs Hiding in Your Brain

According to James Hollis, a Jungian analyst, the subconscious "secrets" that possess and drive men, an area common in the male midlife crisis, tell us a lot about why more men turn to active trading, ignoring common sense and logic, resulting in portfolio losses. Simply, "trading is a battleground to prove your masculinity," he writes.

The truth is men are not free: These four secrets blindly drive men as investors. Psychiatrist and Harvard Medical School Prof. John C. Schott, editor of a financial newsletter, writes about typical investor profiles in his book "Mind over Money."

"Each of these styles is based on feelings that are common to all of us" but expressed in varying degrees at different times:

Power Player. They invest to impress, often betting heavy on hot stocks, getting excited about them, overidentifying with their stocks, pouring in not only money but their self-esteem, staking their reputation on them. They have to win, must deny losses.

Impulsive dealer. Driven by gut feel, emotions and raw optimism with minimal rational analysis, even to the point of denying contrary evidence, they are like a teenager falling in love at first sight, blinded, in need of immediate gratification.

Gambling junkies. Many men are convinced they can beat the market because they're above average. They love the thrill of playing the market. Even losses are exhilarating, convincing them to play the odds, certain the next one will be a big winner.

The worry wart. They're their own worst enemy. Agonizing and rethinking every decision. Better off not playing the market because their anxieties create the poor returns they desperately want to avoid.

Risk averse. They know being in the market is essential to building a retirement nest egg. But they don't trust the markets and economy, so they tend to be overly conservative.

Windfall winner. One-time lump-sums, lotteries, jackpots, even inheritances trigger a whole range of feelings: grief, loss, survivor guilt, undeserving, addictive, overly extravagant, confused.

These feelings in turn overwhelm rational investing. Jungians believe that suppressing feelings just turns them into secret, unpredictable saboteurs. For example, in one study researchers discovered that passive investors outperformed active traders with returns of 18% vs. 12%. And yet men insist on actively trading. When actions defy logic, you must ask yourself "who's pushing the buttons."

Whether you're experiencing midlife at 30 or 60 and want to survive your mid life crisis with your finances in tact, I encourage you to visit Paul B. Farrell's website, and download a completely free copy of The Millionaire Meditation if you want to start taking control of your finances and your life.

King of Your Castle or Bowing to a Queen Bee?

Elliott Katz, in his book Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants, describes a situation where the husband gave in to the demands of his wife for a bigger house, one they couldn't afford. She promised to go back to work to help pay for it and then didn't keep her promise. Eventually, they separated.

"She might want a bigger house, but what you both need is a peaceful home," Grandpa said (p. 101.)

This story came to mind after striking up a conversation with one of my husband's colleagues at a pre-holiday party. He complained that his wife wanted a pool, his daughter wanted her own bathroom, and the house hadn't been updated in eight years.

She, like the woman in the story, had agreed to go back to work when their daughter entered first grade. Well, that day has arrived and she's dragging her feet much to the consternation of her husband.

He wants to start his own business but needs the support of a full time salary and the benefits that come with it. That he needs her support was clear, but what I heard was a whining complaint when an adult decision is needed.

We make decisions every day and, when circumstances change, we make new decisions. To have a happy, peaceful home requires that couples sit down and ask "What sacrifices are we willing to make to create the kind of future we want?"

There is nothing more stressful to a relationship than money issues. Over the last five years, my husband and I have downsized, and we are planning to downsize further because the vision for our future has changed. Every year of married life requires decision-making. Some decisions we've made blindfolded, some decisions were informed, sometimes "we threw caution to the wind." But we made the decisions together.

Men & Money

A recent Money magazine article acknowledges mid-life as a fact. Unless you're dead, once you hit 40 you enter mid life. Funny how 40 seems so much younger than when our parents were our age, doesn't it? What the author does question is the "crisis" part of the equation. While this life passage can equal a mid-life crisis if, for example, you empty your nest egg to splurge on a world cruise or your marriage ends in tatters, pain and upheaval need not be part of the equation.

One financial advisor advocates giving yourself permission to indulge in ways that won't break the bank but instead help you to navigate these uncharted waters with less stress. Such as

• Set a budget
• Get the same thrill for less money
• Focus on experiences rather than things
• Come up with crafty ways not to buy

I particularly like the suggestion to "gorge shop" (my term.) This turns the "shop 'til you drop" adage on its side: Just keep shopping, rather than buying, until you can't stand it anymore. I know this works for me with clothes but would it work the same way with electronics? Guys? Care to comment?

Men & Money

"The #1 cause for male suicide is financial," said Dave Ramsey on a recent 60 Minutes episode. Ramsey's financial awareness comes from both personal success and failure. By the time he was 30 years old he had made $1 million. He did the same thing by the time he was 40.

In between, he lost everything.

Losing everything shakes our foundation. Pictures of Hurricane Katrina attest to that literally. But what about metaphorically? Do we let our possessions define us? Do we identify with work so much that nothing exists beyond it?

Most men when asked why they work so hard answer, "So that I can give my wife and kids a good life." Most women, however, when asked, "Is this stuff (cruises, jewelry, cars) important to you?" will answer, "Not really."

Huge gap.

I think we've forgotten how to ask for the kind of life we want. We're running on automatic pilot. I remember when I had my business several years ago. It was a one-person, home-based business. I made more money than I could spend and had more free time on my hands even with three times the client base of my competitors.

Then I bought into the "bigger is better" lie. I hired employees, leased office space, rented furniture and fixtures, bought small business insurance, and hired an accountant. Within weeks I had cut my salary in half, hired and fired four secretaries (shades of Murphy Brown), couldn't find a salesperson who could sell, you get the picture. I did build the business, but at a price.

I was working harder so that my employees had the luxury of a salary; I had less free time because now that I was a role model, I had to be in the office early; I went from being focused to being distracted because of all the personal problems people brought to work.

By the time I decided to exit stage left, I was emotionally, physically and financially depleted.

The question is "Are you working to live or living to work?"

"If you lost everything, who would you be?"