man-o-pause

Midlife Dentistry

I have a confession; I have a thing about teeth. Unhealthy, crooked, yellow teeth to be more specific. I could barely watch the movie, Austin Powers, because of the cosmetically altered, snaggle teeth of the star, Mike Meyers. Otherwise, I thought the movie was hysterical.

There are any number of reasons why people have poor dental hygiene: economics, genetics, poor self image. The problem with letting your teeth go well into middle age is that the overall health of your body can start to suffer. For this reason, I welcomed Dr. Peter J. Pagano as today’s Guest Poster, who had this to say:

A healthy smile can lead to a healthy body. At midlife, cosmetic dental procedures should also restore healthy gums and natural chewing function. If done correctly, they can resolve health issues not normally associated with a dental condition.

After treating midlife patients for thirty years, I wrote the upcoming book: Ageless Smile: What You Need to Know About Midlife Dentistry (Foghorn Communications, January 2009). In it I describe how these common midlife dental symptoms can be related to one another:

1. Thinning lips.

2. Wrinkles and sagging around your mouth and jaw.
3. Wearing down of your teeth causing a collapse in your mouth area.
4. Missing or cracked teeth.
5. Increased pressure in your head and sinuses.
6. Facial pain.
7. Dark fillings that show when you laugh or smile.
8. Neck and low back pain.
9. Needing root canals on one side of your mouth.

Midlife dentistry begins with dental treatment that corrects structural problems while restoring balance to your head, neck and jaw. This can eliminate pain not normally associated with a dental condition. Only with a solid foundation in place will dental implants and other cosmetic options like veneers and crowns feel natural and last.

Dentistry is engineering on a much smaller scale. Even a few millimeters of imbalance can create health problems and pain.

If you want to update an aging smile with dental implants and crowns, realize that advertisements for immediate implants are not right for many people. If you are already experiencing head pain, you want to make sure your cosmetic dentistry is performed by someone to takes an orthopedic approach.

Note: This is not an endorsement of Dr. Pagano's services but offered as a public service. Please use care and due diligence whenever seeking professional services of any kind.

If you'd like to be featured as a Guest Poster on a topic relevant to midlife, please drop me an email. If I believe there's value to my readership, I'll gladly offer you the space.

Male Midlife Anxiety

It's been said that correlation is not causation, but when I saw a doubling of traffic two days ago, it made me wonder.

Over the past several months, Baby Boomer men in particular have been getting hammered financially. You'd have to be living under a rock not to be aware of the economic malaise hammering our confidence and bank accounts. Since most men are hardwired to equate their masculinity with their ability to provide, the recent gyrations in the financial markets coupled with news of massive layoffs has most men freaking out. Hence, the spike in traffic. At least that's my theory.

Even if you have a good job, your future is still uncertain. Your 401K has been halved, and you believe that there's only so much time to replenish your savings for that ever-elusive "retirement."

The irony is that men mostly created this Masters of the Universe mentality which has left Wall Street gasping for air. In "Maybe the Meldown's a Guy Thing," The New York Times refers to a research study that suggests raging male hormones may explain why those who rule global markets send them up when excited (aggression=testosterone) and then down when scared (fear=coritsol).

According to John M. Coates, a former trader who is now a senior research fellow in neuroscience and finance at the University of Cambridge, many traders are influenced by either a positive feedback loop; an increase in testosterone creates a "winners high" or a negative feedback loop; an increase in cortisol creates emotional fear-mongers.

With wide market swings, traders are being whipsawed by their hormones. Because women and older men are less likely to produce excess cortisol and lower levels of testosterone, he advises getting more of them on the trading floors.

It may not be the midlife career change you were looking for, but it would give you an opportunity to recoup your investments.

Two Men Debate Midlife Relationships

Okay. Maybe not debate, but here are two Baby Boomer men with different and distinct points of view. And since I get to be the moderator, I'm calling this a debate in the hopes that my lurking readers will join in ;-)

The "How To Survive Male Menopause" post has received the most traffic and click-thrus of any post I've written in three years.

Yet MidAgedMan comments, "I think that this is a somewhat ridiculous concept. "Crisis" is often too strong a word - what we, like any human being, need is a partner who can accept change and grow with us."

I agree, but for many, that information resonated. I'm one of the fortunate who can call her husband "my best friend." And crises being part of life, I like to think that not only are we surviving midlife, we're thriving and overcoming the odds of mid-life meltdown.

Then we have Man Up Men, who's launched a companion blog to promote his 143-page book, Have a Great Midlife Crisis. Based on my cursory review of his posts, it's pretty clear he's grasped that controversy sells. Well, maybe not sells, but certainly stirs things up.

He's also wrangling with this whole Social Media thing. (Hint: Throwing up a blog that is so obviously self-serving will not win you fans nor buyers.) You'll notice no link love here.

If he'd left off the subtitle, "Without Getting Caught," I might have been able to recommend the book. If you're really advocating "to man up," why not be a man and exit gracefully without the collateral damage?

Man-o-pause strives to bridge the gaps between men and women, not divide and conquer. Part of having a great midlife is having gained perspective on the "gender wars" and coming through intact and improved.

This Neanderthal approach to men vs. women will insult enlightened men everywhere. Why would anyone spend $19.95 for a 143-page rant, when you can come to Man-o-pause and read over 180 posts for free?

As MidAgeMan so succinctly states it: Crisis is often too strong a word.

I prefer opportunity. But then again, we all have our take on the mid-life crisis cure.

If you're looking for great books to help you meet the midlife transition with dignity and humor, look no further than the right column for books I recommend through Amazon.

Two books I recommend wholeheartedly are Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants, by Eliot Katz and Real Men Don't Apologize, by Jim Belushi.

How to Survive Male Menopause

Male Menopause

When I came up with the name of this blog, Man-o-pause, I wanted to convey levity to the change of life for men. Unlike the female menopause, which has been researched, dissected and discussed for years, men rarely seek help when a midlife crisis strikes.

The fact is the male mid-life is no laughing matter. The midlife anger that often erupts for men can and does destroy family relationships, self esteem, and physical health.

Jed Diamond, a pioneer in the emerging field of male gender medicine, addresses a woman's concern in helping a spouse through his midlife crisis. He details the latest research findings on male menopause symptoms and on this crucial change of life for men.* For example,

* 52% of men between 40 and 70 in the U.S. are now going through male menopause.
* Men experience complex hormonal rhythyms that affect their mood, their physical well-being and their sexuality.
* Emotional symptoms include irritability, worry, indecisiveness and depression.
* Physical symptoms include fatigue, weight gain, short-term memory loss and sleep disturbance.
* Sexual symptoms include reduced libido, fear of sexual failure and an increased desire to "prove" he can still perform by seeking a younger partner.

Finally, male menopause is like adolescent puberty where a man faces issues of identity, sexuality, dependence and independence for the second time.

What makes this so difficult for the family, and spouse in particular, is that because the symptoms of male menopause often come on suddenly, the reaction is often one of judgement and recrimination.

I remember preparing for my son's eventual passage through adolescence when he was only a toddler. I had read that adolescence was very similar to the Terrible Twos. I thought that if I gave myself a 10-year head start, I'd be better prepared for the inevitable adolescent angst, and I was.

To my female readers, I recommend preparing for your husband's midlife as he approaches 40. I speak from experience. You'll need time to work through your own levels of acceptance, similar to Elizabeth Kübler-Ross's "Five Stages of Grief," because this phase often represents a "loss" of the man you once knew.

Change is never easy, but awareness is the first step toward acceptance and your man in this stage of life needs all the love, patience and mid-life support you can offer.

Ending on a lighter note, I just discovered a multi-search site at Webmonkey called Addict-o-matic™-inhale the web. I gathered all the news, YouTube videos, Flickr photos, top blogs and twitters, Diggs and Wikios found across the Web all about male menopause.

Isn't it great to know you're not alone?

* Go to How to Survive Male Menopause for the complete article.

How to Be a Man in Mid-Life

I mentioned to a colleague recently that some of my visitors find my blog by typing in to a search engine "mid-life crisis at 25" and his response was "That's just being 25." I couldn't agree more.

The term midlife crisis has become an umbrella term for any "radical change in behavior." The key difference between being a man at 25 and being a man at 45 is perspective.

Bishop Craig offers some perspective on how to be a man in mid life. To summarize, ask yourself

#1 - Where am I in terms of my own primary sense of identity or value?

If the man gains his identity primarily from work he will evaluate himself in terms of his career; if as a husband he will evaluate in terms of his marriage; if from parenting he will evaluate in terms of how his kids have turned out; if as an athlete he will evaluate in terms of his ongoing athleticism, and so on.

#2 - What am I afraid of?

We are socially conditioned as western males to deny fear, but all of us are afraid of something. Perhaps it's death (our own or of those we love), or being alone (either through death or abandonment), or being unloved, or (perhaps worst of all) of being incapacitated and finding no one to care for us or about us.

# 3 - What actions do I regret?

We all have regrets, but at this point in a man's life he starts thinking about them with an eye toward either making them right or making changes and/or doing things we wish we had done years ago but were too busy to do. That might mean taking up a new hobby, or trying a new career, or trying any of a number of other new things - not all of them healthy or productive.

Read more about Bishop Craig’s' thoughts on midlife reassessment.

As a midlife man, he's more qualified to speak on men's issues than I.

Job Burn Out or Midlife Crisis?

That boring job should sound an alarm, according to Phyllis Korkki, NY Times career coach. A twenty-year career coincides with midlife if you started that job in your twenties. If you're career isn't changing after 40, I would become suspicious. But just because your boring job collides with your middling years, doesn't necessarily mean that you're having a midlife crisis.

In fact, recognizing your boring job for what it is can be a wake-up call. Boredom is a symptom.

"Sometimes your very success can lead to boredom," said Rachelle J. Canter, career coach and author of Make the Right Career Move. "If you continue to do the same thing again and again, and you're good at it, people are going to ask you to do the same thing."

It's easy to blame the boss, your wife, or a "midlife crisis" on your current unhappiness, but, ultimately, you're the only one in charge of your career growth and happiness.

I've purposely avoided the corporate career track and now find myself at midlife working for a Fortune 500 company where 30-year careers are common. Even though I'm bored occasionally (the pace in corporate America is much slower than the hard-charging business start-up), it's still a new experience for me. (You can read about my own career transition here.)

Another employee, however, found himself feeling stuck. He'd been doing the same kind of work pretty much his entire tenure. When his boss recommended he apply for an assignment overseas, he found the idea exhilarating. Even though his commute increased from twenty minutes to two days, he's glad he made the move and describes himself as more engaged and enthused. All he needed was a midlife career correction, not necessarily a mid life career change.

So if you're bored at work, I suspect you need a new challenge. As a self-starter, I create challenges for myself all the time. For me, it's a sure-fire antidote to boredom. If you're waiting for a boss to challenge you, you may need to take the initiative to create challenges for yourself.

We want to be doing more than surviving midlife; we want to be thriving. At least I do.

The Mid-Life Brain & Beyond

Want to build muscle, improve memory and condition the brain? In a recent USA Today interview, John Ratey, M.D. recommends working up a sweat at least four or five days a week if you find yourself stressed or depressed.

More importantly, a vigorous workout can help revitalize the aging brain. Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, points to a number of studies that show regular physical activity can prevent the age-related fogginess that often develops by age 65.

Exercise connects the head to the body. For example, the act of walking grounds one to the earth; weight training focuses you on your body; bike riding makes you mentally alert for cars and stray dogs!

But, I think the greatest antidote to mental fatigue and ennui is laughter.

I attended a health and fitness lecture yesterday conducted by Austin Davis, a former stand-up comedian, police officer and male adventurer. His Web site bills him as "America's funniest fitness specialist." I don't know about "America's," but he certainly is Houston's funniest professional trainer.

After a serious sky diving accident ("Is there any other kind?" Austin asks.), he decided to take control of his midlife male body. (Visit FitandFunny.net for more info.)

When I left the session, I was motivated to change some habits, both physical and mental. Prior to attending, I hadn't known I was making excuses for my sedentary lifestyle. Somehow, the laughter cleared the cobwebs in my brain. Austin Davis, with his "laugh and learn" approach, gave me the stimulus I needed.

Austin's best advice: Relax. Reflect. Re-center. Even if you don't change your eating habits, new mental habits can create a new you.

Injustice in the Justice System: The Shame of Juvenile Incarceration

Statistics prove it; recent events in Jena, LA confirm it. USA Today's editorial, "In La., a missed opportunity ignites a racial uproar," (10/05/2007), fulfills its mission "to serve as a forum for better understanding and unity to help make the USA truly one nation," Al Neuharth, Founder, wrote September 15, 1982.

Clearly I am not black nor male but I remember the '68 race riots in Detroit. I was only in grade school but remember trying to make sense of the anger in the streets. My father was particularly shaken because many of his customers were black and lived within the city limits. The city was in lock down. He didn't work for three days, and the good people were prisoners in their own homes.

But I believe the bigger story has been hidden. Until now.

Congresswoman Barbara Lee (D-Oakland), states that public policy in California drives the building of more prisons and pulls no punches in this YouTube video.

When

• a five-year-old is handcuffed and taken to jail for having a 30-minute temper tantrum


• a nine-year-old is charged with attempted armed robbery with only a towel wrapped around his hands


• five students, 14 to 18, were charged with second degree murder for a school fight and their tennis shoes deemed "lethal weapons"

our communities and leaders should be ashamed.

The Gathering For Justice addresses this sickening scope of juvenile incarceration. Spearheaded by some of the most notable thought leaders in the black community (Harry Belafonte, Marion Wright Edelman, Dr. Cornel West, Ruby Dee, and others), The Gathering evolved out of the understanding that civil rights and social justice organizations require national solidarity and collective focus to stop the political and moral obscenities that are severely undermining our justice system and violating the most sacred tenets of the U.S. Constitution.

They have created an intergenerational, interracial, and multicultural space where like-minded individuals can work together to change the justice process.

As the atrocities of WWII were being revealed, a man was asked, "What is the nature of evil?"

"It is when good men do nothing," he said.

The purpose of this blog is to encourage, educate, inspire and, on this occasion, to engender outrage among virtuous men. Watch the video and you'll see what I mean.