man-o-pause

Men Journey - To Where?

I’ve noticed significant search traffic from the website, Man’s Inner Journey, and I can’t figure out why. They are not promoting any article I’ve written, and my blog link appears in a list of many other resources. So I decided to think harder on what journey men are seeking.

I suspect it’s a "journey to become better men." I’ve seen this in the private emails I receive. While this blog doesn’t receive many comments, I do receive compliments from male readers and bloggers from around the world thanking me for getting them to think about becoming a better man.

They seem to appreciate my secular approach on how to become your true Self.

If one of your life’s goals is to become a better man, to become the highest Self within, I can think of no better website to peruse than MansInnerJourney or better workshop to recommend than their workshop, The Journey Continues, November 4-6, 2011, in Melbourne, Australia.

The workshop

The Sad Fact of Male Suicide

People struggle psychologically for many reasons. Depression knows no boundaries; it transcends age, gender and socio-economic background. Depression is the great sad equalizer.

I struggled with depression for years without ever knowing it. At first, there were environmental causes (a deprived and sometimes violent childhood), then much later in life, circumstances created the crisis that led to a breakdown and then a breakthrough.

What does this have to do with men? Our society is facing a suicide epidemic, especially among young men. In Australia, Ehon Chan views this as a crime of humanity and has launched a social movement to create cultural and behavioral change. It’s not enough to just talk anymore, he writes, when suicide is the leading cause of death among young people, of which 4 out of 5 are young men.

"Midlife Crisis" Car Purchase - Guest Post

A midlife crisis is an event that some people experience around the ages of forty to sixty. People going through a midlife crisis say that they experience extreme self-doubt. Some psychologists speculate that midlife crises come about when people realize that they are getting older. Other times, crisis is brought upon by life changing events such as being cheated on, menopause, andropause, death of friends and family, unemployment or departure of children from the home.

Yet another theory speculates that men who are undergoing midlife crises are doing so not due to their own increasing age, but in response to their wives’ aging and menopause, resulting in them becoming attracted to younger women who are still able to reproduce.

Old Guys Trending

First there was CrankyOldDoods. Now I find Dave, blogging about Old Guys.

I'm curious if this is a point of pride to celebrate your over 40 status. It might be a cultural/gender limitation, but I'm really glad I don't look my age, and I would never refer to myself as "old." Is that vain?

I'm happy for these guys. I really am. Any middle aged women want to weigh in?

Men of a Certain Age

In spite of a publicist contacting me four times and a Warner Bros. rep promising to send a preview DVD in the hope that I would review the TNT show, Men of a Certain Age, I managed to miss the launch episode.

If I weren't such a fan of The Closer, I probably would have missed it completely, but TNT provided a clever cross promo for the show, and I managed to record a repeat episode.

My husband and I just now finished watching the first episode and I applaud it for giving one HUGE gift to intelligent viewers everywhere: no laugh track! I wish someone would conduct a Nielson-size survey to determine how many shows people stop viewing because of the inane laugh track, but I digress.

I'm not writing a standard review, since there are numerous reviews floating around the Internet. The FatherLife.com wrote a good one. I just want to add my two cents based on our personal reactions, and you can be the judge whether this show will find it's way onto your schedule. Personally, if we didn't have a DVR, I probably wouldn't own a television.

1. We both laughed out loud.

2. We both thought the acting and story lines were realistic.

3. The acting of all characters (kids included) was compelling and true-to-life.

There's a depth of emotion here that was sorely lacking in Everybody Loves Raymond. I know it was a comedy, but I never could empathize with any of those characters.

All three men: Ray Romano, Scott Bakula (Quantum Leap) and Andre Braugher (Homicide: Life on the Street), present their flaws, foibles and faith in their friendship in both endearing and comical ways. I wouldn't necessarily classify them as "men in a midlife crisis."

There are self-image issues, to be sure, but none of them have hit the flatlands of a classic mid-life crisis. Which is good because that could get tedious real quick.

These are men who, having reached a "certain age" (meaning over 40, presumably), have a lifetime of experience to ponder and have, perhaps, become more reflective than reactive. To me, this is the value of growing older. It sounds cliché, but we do become wiser. Or at the very least, begin to wake up to the life we were sleep-walking through (like Braugher's character.) Painful to watch, but so true for many midlife men.

As a target audience, middle-aged men is a tough demographic to reach with all the distractions of modern living, not to mention Monday Night Football.

I'm optimistic though. A show that appeals to both men and women, this couple especially, deserves some of our attention.

Midlife Dentistry

I have a confession; I have a thing about teeth. Unhealthy, crooked, yellow teeth to be more specific. I could barely watch the movie, Austin Powers, because of the cosmetically altered, snaggle teeth of the star, Mike Meyers. Otherwise, I thought the movie was hysterical.

There are any number of reasons why people have poor dental hygiene: economics, genetics, poor self image. The problem with letting your teeth go well into middle age is that the overall health of your body can start to suffer. For this reason, I welcomed Dr. Peter J. Pagano as today’s Guest Poster, who had this to say:

A healthy smile can lead to a healthy body. At midlife, cosmetic dental procedures should also restore healthy gums and natural chewing function. If done correctly, they can resolve health issues not normally associated with a dental condition.

After treating midlife patients for thirty years, I wrote the upcoming book: Ageless Smile: What You Need to Know About Midlife Dentistry (Foghorn Communications, January 2009). In it I describe how these common midlife dental symptoms can be related to one another:

1. Thinning lips.

2. Wrinkles and sagging around your mouth and jaw.
3. Wearing down of your teeth causing a collapse in your mouth area.
4. Missing or cracked teeth.
5. Increased pressure in your head and sinuses.
6. Facial pain.
7. Dark fillings that show when you laugh or smile.
8. Neck and low back pain.
9. Needing root canals on one side of your mouth.

Midlife dentistry begins with dental treatment that corrects structural problems while restoring balance to your head, neck and jaw. This can eliminate pain not normally associated with a dental condition. Only with a solid foundation in place will dental implants and other cosmetic options like veneers and crowns feel natural and last.

Dentistry is engineering on a much smaller scale. Even a few millimeters of imbalance can create health problems and pain.

If you want to update an aging smile with dental implants and crowns, realize that advertisements for immediate implants are not right for many people. If you are already experiencing head pain, you want to make sure your cosmetic dentistry is performed by someone to takes an orthopedic approach.

Note: This is not an endorsement of Dr. Pagano's services but offered as a public service. Please use care and due diligence whenever seeking professional services of any kind.

If you'd like to be featured as a Guest Poster on a topic relevant to midlife, please drop me an email. If I believe there's value to my readership, I'll gladly offer you the space.

Male Midlife Anxiety

It's been said that correlation is not causation, but when I saw a doubling of traffic two days ago, it made me wonder.

Over the past several months, Baby Boomer men in particular have been getting hammered financially. You'd have to be living under a rock not to be aware of the economic malaise hammering our confidence and bank accounts. Since most men are hardwired to equate their masculinity with their ability to provide, the recent gyrations in the financial markets coupled with news of massive layoffs has most men freaking out. Hence, the spike in traffic. At least that's my theory.

Even if you have a good job, your future is still uncertain. Your 401K has been halved, and you believe that there's only so much time to replenish your savings for that ever-elusive "retirement."

The irony is that men mostly created this Masters of the Universe mentality which has left Wall Street gasping for air. In "Maybe the Meldown's a Guy Thing," The New York Times refers to a research study that suggests raging male hormones may explain why those who rule global markets send them up when excited (aggression=testosterone) and then down when scared (fear=coritsol).

According to John M. Coates, a former trader who is now a senior research fellow in neuroscience and finance at the University of Cambridge, many traders are influenced by either a positive feedback loop; an increase in testosterone creates a "winners high" or a negative feedback loop; an increase in cortisol creates emotional fear-mongers.

With wide market swings, traders are being whipsawed by their hormones. Because women and older men are less likely to produce excess cortisol and lower levels of testosterone, he advises getting more of them on the trading floors.

It may not be the midlife career change you were looking for, but it would give you an opportunity to recoup your investments.

Two Men Debate Midlife Relationships

Okay. Maybe not debate, but here are two Baby Boomer men with different and distinct points of view. And since I get to be the moderator, I'm calling this a debate in the hopes that my lurking readers will join in ;-)

The "How To Survive Male Menopause" post has received the most traffic and click-thrus of any post I've written in three years.

Yet MidAgedMan comments, "I think that this is a somewhat ridiculous concept. "Crisis" is often too strong a word - what we, like any human being, need is a partner who can accept change and grow with us."

I agree, but for many, that information resonated. I'm one of the fortunate who can call her husband "my best friend." And crises being part of life, I like to think that not only are we surviving midlife, we're thriving and overcoming the odds of mid-life meltdown.

Then we have Man Up Men, who's launched a companion blog to promote his 143-page book, Have a Great Midlife Crisis. Based on my cursory review of his posts, it's pretty clear he's grasped that controversy sells. Well, maybe not sells, but certainly stirs things up.

He's also wrangling with this whole Social Media thing. (Hint: Throwing up a blog that is so obviously self-serving will not win you fans nor buyers.) You'll notice no link love here.

If he'd left off the subtitle, "Without Getting Caught," I might have been able to recommend the book. If you're really advocating "to man up," why not be a man and exit gracefully without the collateral damage?

Man-o-pause strives to bridge the gaps between men and women, not divide and conquer. Part of having a great midlife is having gained perspective on the "gender wars" and coming through intact and improved.

This Neanderthal approach to men vs. women will insult enlightened men everywhere. Why would anyone spend $19.95 for a 143-page rant, when you can come to Man-o-pause and read over 180 posts for free?

As MidAgeMan so succinctly states it: Crisis is often too strong a word.

I prefer opportunity. But then again, we all have our take on the mid-life crisis cure.

If you're looking for great books to help you meet the midlife transition with dignity and humor, look no further than the right column for books I recommend through Amazon.

Two books I recommend wholeheartedly are Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants, by Eliot Katz and Real Men Don't Apologize, by Jim Belushi.