man-o-pause

How to Be a Man in Mid-Life

I mentioned to a colleague recently that some of my visitors find my blog by typing in to a search engine "mid-life crisis at 25" and his response was "That's just being 25." I couldn't agree more.

The term midlife crisis has become an umbrella term for any "radical change in behavior." The key difference between being a man at 25 and being a man at 45 is perspective.

Bishop Craig offers some perspective on how to be a man in mid life. To summarize, ask yourself

#1 - Where am I in terms of my own primary sense of identity or value?

If the man gains his identity primarily from work he will evaluate himself in terms of his career; if as a husband he will evaluate in terms of his marriage; if from parenting he will evaluate in terms of how his kids have turned out; if as an athlete he will evaluate in terms of his ongoing athleticism, and so on.

#2 - What am I afraid of?

We are socially conditioned as western males to deny fear, but all of us are afraid of something. Perhaps it's death (our own or of those we love), or being alone (either through death or abandonment), or being unloved, or (perhaps worst of all) of being incapacitated and finding no one to care for us or about us.

# 3 - What actions do I regret?

We all have regrets, but at this point in a man's life he starts thinking about them with an eye toward either making them right or making changes and/or doing things we wish we had done years ago but were too busy to do. That might mean taking up a new hobby, or trying a new career, or trying any of a number of other new things - not all of them healthy or productive.

Read more about Bishop Craig’s' thoughts on midlife reassessment.

As a midlife man, he's more qualified to speak on men's issues than I.

Understanding Male Menopause

If you've been wondering "What is a man's menopause,?" I just discovered another voice in the Midlife Movement over at FourOh.com, dedicated to taking the crisis out of mid-life. They offer a reasoned response.

". ...The important step to take in dealing with male menopause is to be willing to accept it as a part of life. Acceptance leads to understanding and the more information and knowledge you are able to gather about the condition, the better you will be able to handle it. It may be stressful for some, while others may look at it as a challenge and decide to turn a negative condition into something positive. It's all a matter of one's mindset."

Is the Mid-Life Crisis a Scam?

The 21st Century Man suggests that the male midlife crisis is "a pseudo-scientific smokescreen to excuse the infantile behaviour of men who should know better."

Dan Roberts is a British journalist whose writing is quite good. I'm highlighting this piece because it focuses on the male midlife crisis, but I encourage you to read his Men of War post. If it doesn't make you think, I don't know what will.

Dan is intrigued by the notion of masculinity. What is a man now? How do we learn who and what to be? We are taught to discard the patriarchal values our fathers were steeped in, but what should we replace them with?

The 21st Century Man is worth a visit.

Symptoms of Early Midlife Crisis

Thirty-something men apparently are more disillusioned, misdirected and apathetic than ever. According to Alden Cass, a clinical psychologist and performance coach, when reality doesn't meet expectations, he finds that younger men experience the equivalent of the male mid-life crisis at a younger age.

Perfectionist personality types tend to exhibit these symptoms and Cass focuses his findings on the financial sector, which attracts the more Type A personality.

So if you're not on Wall Street or the Chicago Mercantile and don't have unrealistic expectations, don't worry, be happy. See following post :-)

Baby Boomer Career Made In Hog Heaven

A perfect midlife career transition might be self-employment by way of franchise ownership. According to Scott Yarnell, GuruFocus, "... For the patient investor who enjoys accumulating, at reasonable prices, those rare privileged companies with a durable business franchise, current market conditions offer such an opportunity with Harley-Davidson (HOG).

"... Warren Buffet has explained that the test for a business franchise is how much harm a competitor can do to the company if the competitor did not behave rationally with regard to its own performance. In the case of Harley, the well established mystic of owning a Harley among its devoted customers appears impossible for others to imitate. Harley customers pay a premium for both the image and quality of a Harley motorcycle. The company has managed to create an entire culture.

"Although I have seen many willing to adorn their bodies with the Harley name, I have yet to see anyone with a Honda motorcycle tattoo (and not for lack of looking). For most of its customers, a Harley is the only motorcycle they will purchase. This strong brand loyalty among its customers seems to cement Harley’s status as a durable business franchise. Harley has over 49% of the market for heavyweight motorcycles in the U.S. while its closest competitor has only 15%..."

While this is not a stock recommendation, I do think it offers some insight into a viable middle age career change. If you're turning 50, why not have fun with the quintessential "male midlife crisis" product.

Menopause Man - The Book

"Mel Mathews is a sensitive observer of the human condition, with an emphasis on the Male Human Condition of our time. He has created a character in Malcolm Clay that is a baby boomer Holden Caulfield, a variation on John Updike’s Rabbit Angstrom, and he manages to take us by the hand and lead us through the bumpy terrain of current interpersonal relationships as well as anyone writing today." Read more about Mel Mathews and this USA Today review. Or look in the sidebar under "Nick's Picks" for the Amazon info page.

Menopause Man is the middle of a trilogy about a mid-life man stuck in a boring but successful occupation. I don't ususally recommend books that I haven't read, but the review describes such fine writing ("the novel calls for pause to enjoy the sheer ebullience of the verbiage") and I'm been known to devour well-written books in one sitting.

Take a look. The Malcolm Clay Trilogy may make the perfect gift for the midlife man in your life.

Men's Identity Crisis at ... 35?

50-year old men may take comfort in learning that their signs of midlife crisis are vastly different than the newly minted, mid-life men of 35.

Goodbye to the Porsche or Harley Davidson. Say hello to Botox and extravagent holidays. Research commissioned to launch the DVD of Wild Hogs featuring four middle-aged men on a road trip, found that British blokes spend 24 billion pounds per year to turn back the clock as mid-life crises begin to kick in earlier than ever.

Tom Phillips, a U.K psychologist, suggests that a number of reasons are at play. "It used to take people years to inherit some big job, whereas now if you've got talent you can get spotted very quickly. That means that you can get burnt out a bit sooner, and therefore you've got the syndrome of the mid-life crisis.

"And when that burn-out happens, these men need to take time to discover parts of themselves that may have otherwise remained latent," Tom says.

Burn-out is certainly one sign of a midlife crisis as is the desire to escape the rat race. I consider my particular midlife crises to be part of an ongoing midlife transformation, albeit career related. Once I've mastered a field of study, it makes no sense for me to continue plowing the same acreage.

Echoing my sentiments is Todd who asks, "Who Needs A Midlife Crisis?"

I think reevaluating where one is in life is always a good thing.

Mid-Life Crisis Favorite Movies Poll

How would you rate the following mid-life crisis movies? City Slickers American Beauty About Schmidt Bull Durham Sideways In Good Company Lost In Translation Somethings Gotta Give Lost In America The Wonder Boys (You'll also see how other users have answered.) Poll by PollHead

Inspired by LifeTwo's [Hypothetical] Male Mid-life Crisis Film Festival.