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Mid-life Resurrection

If you're transitioning through midlife full-bore, you may be surprised one day to find yourself stuck in a life you no longer want.

Don't despair. Just as in adolescence, angst and disorientation are all part of the mid-life transition. A spirit of self-acceptance will help.

Midlife is an opportunity to resurrect oneself from the mire of matter and false gods. If you've been laboring in a field that leaves you feeling dull and diminished, recognize labor for its true purpose. Labor is the process of manifesting achievements that are reached through striving. Through labor you open your inner resources. No matter what your profession, it is your striving that defines you, not your title.

A great Sage said, "Through labor we conquer." What is there to conquer? you may ask. We conquer our small, limited, false self.

When labor and striving unite, there is resurrection. Resurrection is freedom from fear, anxiety and distress. Seek each day to stand with new definiteness that you are the Self. Embrace this time of opportunity for expansion.

More radiant than the sun,
purer than the snow,
subtler than the ether,
is the Self,
the Spirit within my heart.
I am that Self;
that Self am I.

Forget The Comments. I'll Take The Cash!

After one week of running the "Why I Don't Comment Poll," the mandate is clear: My readers don't comment period. Wait. I take that back. Eight people responded; Five people clicked a radio button, but then one clicked "Other," which I thought was a statement in itself (sort of a passive aggressive response; a comment without commitment.) And three people wrote actual comments to which I responded. To those I thank you.

When I first started this blog, I envisioned a "Dear Nic" (short for Nicolette) scenario whereby readers pose a dilemma and I respond with wise counsel. HA!

You're welcome to comment, but I've moved on to another experiment of sorts.

I've launched a one-product, e-commerce site, and I'd like for you to visit. My friend developed and designed a remarkable product that prevents bruises. I'm helping get the word out. If you've visited here more than once, I think you can sense my sincerity. I only recommend something I believe in wholeheartedly. Plus, I've tried the product, and it works.

NoBruise!® is an effective, affordable, non-toxic topical towelette applied to a bumped area of your body to stop a bruise before it starts. When you visit www.StopBruises.com, I think you'll get a kick out of seeing who our target audience is.

So, forget my birthday. I'll take the cash. Visit NoBruises!® now and tell us your bruising story once you've tried the product. If you care to share that is.

It's My Birthday! No Cash. Just Comments.

I launched this blog in July, 2005 which, at 26 months makes me an expert toddler blogger. (Say that 10 times.) In that time, Man-o-pause.com has attracted over 40,000 visitors from nearly every country in the world.

So why no comments? In all that time, this site has registered 38 comments. I don't want to jump to stereotypical conclusions, but I'm curious about whether a blog for mid-life men, specifically, is different than any other blog.

I've developed this poll to determine why this may be so. It's anonymous and once you vote, you can view the results.

I don't comment because I have nothing to add. The content is not engaging. You say it better than I could. I'd rather read than discuss. Registering to comment is a hassle. I prefer to remain anonymous but don't know how. It's a generational thing. (You'll also see how other users have answered.) Poll by PollHead

Mid-Life Blues
Making It Right

You may have missed the news about the "mid-life slump" which has now been verified by researchers in Great Britain and the U.S. Data was collected on measures such as depression, anxiety, mental well-being, happiness and life-satisfaction spanning more than 35 years.

I'm dating myself, but 35 years ago, I was in a "puberty slump." As I recall in 1973, I was depressed, anxious, unhappy and dissatisfied with school, family, work and boys.

Fast forward to 2008 and if you're depresesd, anxious, unhappy and dissatisfied with family, work and boys/men, (Thank god we're no longer in school!) then I suggest you're not experiencing a mid-life crisis. May I tenderly suggest that you are living a self-absorbed, self-contained, shallow life.

At 15 this is acceptable. At 45, it is not.

Mid-lifers Can Make It Right

My personal antidote to depression and self-absorption is to get outside of myself. I find that when I give to others, even if it's a simple phone call to my mother, I feel better. If you're feeling down and troubled and you need a helping hand . . . (Oh wait. That's Carol King.) Sorry. Midlife moment.

I recommend a "giving hand" to help you out of your midlife (or otherwise) slump.

Make It Right

The ravages Hurricane Katrina wrought are still with us. Ellen Degeneres, a native of New Orleans, brought the point home on a recent show. Her efforts to help the displaced people of her home town have raised over $10 million.

Brad Pitt convened a group of experts in New Orleans to brainstorm about building green affordable housing on a large scale to help victims of Hurricane Katrina. Having spent time with community leaders and displaced residents determined to return home, Pitt realized that an opportunity existed to build houses that were not only stronger and healthier, but that had less impact on the environment.

Visit Make It Right 9 and Adopt a House.

And say so long to midlife malaise.

Prison System Broken But Stocks Keep Rising

If you don't think prison building represents big profits, think again.

Despite a recent U.S. Census report pointing to unexpected decline in prison population, prison stocks are expected to rise, according to Barron's. Correction Corp. of America is likely to see its profits rise 20%.

See "Why Prison Stocks Look Tempting" for details.

In making this point, I realize I may send readers to make an investment I don't recommend, but I'm willing to take the risk. I think that most men who find this blog care about their families, their communities and young men, in particular.

I believe that there is a direct correlation between the rise of juvenile incarceration and the bullish news about prison stocks. In business-speak I think they call it "future planning."

We are at risk of marginalizing and disempowering an entire generation of young people, disproportionately male and non-Caucasian.

Frankly, I'm at a loss at what to do about this miscarriage of justice other than to point people to resources, like Man-Making and organizations like The Gathering For Justice.

Men ARE Happier Than Women - It's Official

If the New York Times prints it, then it's true. That's my rule. Researchers have identified a "Happiness Gap" between men and women. In just over 30 years, women and men have switched places on the satisfaction scale.

At the core are work/balance issues. Men appear to be working less and relaxing more, whereas women are still doing double duty.

What has changed — and what seems to be the most likely explanation for the happiness trends — is that women now have a much longer to-do list than they once did (including helping their aging parents). They can’t possibly get it all done, and many end up feeling as if they are somehow falling short.

I think the difference boils down to expectations. Dust bothers me, for example. As the writer of this article points out, since there has been no dust-related technology in the last four decades, houses are probably dirtier than they were when we were growing up. Apparently, the new American dustiness is affecting women's happiness more than men's.

Unhappiness In Men

Are men less happy than women? Is the midlife crisis a marker event that defines you or expands you?

This week LifeTwo.com dedicates the week to improved happiness inspired by Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar and his book Happier. Thirty years ago, Dr. Leo Busgalia became famous as the "Love" doctor teaching college courses and holding seminars broadcast during PBS fundraisers. Today, we have websites, blogs and podcasts devoted to helping people live happier more productive lives.

Happiness, love, and contentment are all part of a continuum toward personal growth. You can always be happier. Therefore, as recommended by Ben-Shahar, the question should not be whether you are happy but what you can do to become happier. Better yet, ask yourself, "How can I be happier now and in the future?" Figuring out the answer to this last question and then doing something about it is the goal of LifeTwo's "How To Be Happy" week.

For me, it's been a lifelong pursuit, and I think now that I may have finally found an avenue to financial freedom I'll gladly let go the struggle. While it's been said that money can't make you happy, it sure helps.