man-o-pause

Family Disses MLK's Memory

Words cannot express the profound sense of outrage I feel about the recent betrayal of Harry Belafonte after the family of Martin Luther King Jr. stopped him from auctioning off valuable personal papers of the late Dr. King.

Dr. King's Documents Withdrawn From Auction (The New York Times) is a straightforward account of the events as they played out. What most people won't remember is the extent to which Mr. Belafonte supported emotionally, financially and spiritually, not only Dr. King but also his wife, Coretta, and their children during the tumultuos early days of the Civil Rights movement.

Fortunately, an editorial appeared to give context to this dispute. I've republished it here almost in it's entirety.

"If someone was unaware that toilet paper was stuck on their shoe aren't you obligated to let them know?

"Some of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s children who control his estate have been a phenomenal embarrassment to their great father's legacy. It's time to let them know; they must lose the toilet paper. Their love for money; nay, their greed, knows no decorum or bounds at all.

"The instant embarassment is a threatening letter sent Tuesday (12/09/2008) by the King family to Sotheby's ...  [who] claims the documents were 'wrongfully acquired,' ... implying that Belafonte, a renowned civil rights activist, humanitarian, scholar, human rights activist and artist, may have pilfered the items.

...

"After Dr. King was stabbed in Harlem and thought he was going to die, he confided to Belafonte that his biggest fear was wondering about who would take care of his children in his absence. Belafonte assured Dr. King that he would never have to worry about finances and his children's care. Belafonte reportedly paid school tuition for the King children.

"And how are these good deeds of a great compassionate man with a peerless heart repaid by some of Dr. King's children? They showed the whole world that they stood on the wrong side of the tracks of the liberation railroad when they disinvited Belafonte, who was supposed to deliver the eulogy, at the funeral of Coretta Scott King in 2006 ... when George Bush decided to attend. Belafonte during a visit to Venezuela had famously denounced Bush for his war mongering in Iraq.

"So the King family decided to ditch the warrior for global peace and justice, who had risked his life and lucrative entertainment career to support their father because Dr. King was a big man with a big vision...." BlackStarNews.

And how, specifically, was Mr. Belafonte to benefit from the sale of these historical documents? He wished to distribute the proceeds to causes he believes in who have no resources.

If their mother, Coretta Scott King, were alive I know just what she'd say. "Shame on you.!"

How to Be a Man in Mid-Life

I mentioned to a colleague recently that some of my visitors find my blog by typing in to a search engine "mid-life crisis at 25" and his response was "That's just being 25." I couldn't agree more.

The term midlife crisis has become an umbrella term for any "radical change in behavior." The key difference between being a man at 25 and being a man at 45 is perspective.

Bishop Craig offers some perspective on how to be a man in mid life. To summarize, ask yourself

#1 - Where am I in terms of my own primary sense of identity or value?

If the man gains his identity primarily from work he will evaluate himself in terms of his career; if as a husband he will evaluate in terms of his marriage; if from parenting he will evaluate in terms of how his kids have turned out; if as an athlete he will evaluate in terms of his ongoing athleticism, and so on.

#2 - What am I afraid of?

We are socially conditioned as western males to deny fear, but all of us are afraid of something. Perhaps it's death (our own or of those we love), or being alone (either through death or abandonment), or being unloved, or (perhaps worst of all) of being incapacitated and finding no one to care for us or about us.

# 3 - What actions do I regret?

We all have regrets, but at this point in a man's life he starts thinking about them with an eye toward either making them right or making changes and/or doing things we wish we had done years ago but were too busy to do. That might mean taking up a new hobby, or trying a new career, or trying any of a number of other new things - not all of them healthy or productive.

Read more about Bishop Craig’s' thoughts on midlife reassessment.

As a midlife man, he's more qualified to speak on men's issues than I.

Prison System Broken But Stocks Keep Rising

If you don't think prison building represents big profits, think again.

Despite a recent U.S. Census report pointing to unexpected decline in prison population, prison stocks are expected to rise, according to Barron's. Correction Corp. of America is likely to see its profits rise 20%.

See "Why Prison Stocks Look Tempting" for details.

In making this point, I realize I may send readers to make an investment I don't recommend, but I'm willing to take the risk. I think that most men who find this blog care about their families, their communities and young men, in particular.

I believe that there is a direct correlation between the rise of juvenile incarceration and the bullish news about prison stocks. In business-speak I think they call it "future planning."

We are at risk of marginalizing and disempowering an entire generation of young people, disproportionately male and non-Caucasian.

Frankly, I'm at a loss at what to do about this miscarriage of justice other than to point people to resources, like Man-Making and organizations like The Gathering For Justice.

Ode to a New World

I'm a magazine junkie and somehow I missed the socially conscious ODE Magazine until now. Since 1995 it has been giving Europeans a rich diet of real-life stories about positive change. Since 2003, Ode's been doing the same for Americans and the rest of the world with its international, English-language edition.

Ode brings you the cutting edge of positive changes from all over the planet featuring some of the most progressive and inclusive thinkers of our time including Jon Kabat-Zinn, Paul Hawkin, Dr. Andrew Weil and HRH The Prince of Wales, to name a few.

Ode is THE global news magazine that focuses on solutions, not just problems. The mainstream media has long focused on flashy, over-the-top, if it "bleeds it leads" style journalism while few report truthful, accurate, socially conscious stories. Ode dares to fill this void.

The magazine is an ode to new thought and courageous vision that look at familiar issues with a new perspective.

If you want

• a truly independent and global perspective,


• to read about solutions to problems,


• to connect to a network of positive change,


• to help change the world,

then I encourage you to subscribe to Ode Magazine. If you need further incentive, your new subscription includes "Touching the Earth" meditation and relaxation CD and a tree planted on your behalf!

The Tao of Midlife Crisis

I've written on this topic, as regular readers know, but today found an articulate, focused, elegant, and uplifting website created by Casey Kochmer called PersonalTao.com.

The truth, he writes, is that "Midlife Crisis is really a midlife transformation."

An excerpt: "....Midlife Crisis represents a deeper possibility for a person to become their dreams. However, those dreams are hard to realize within an unsupportive society and without clear personal understanding of the actual experience. People often end up hurting themselves in the process of trying to change. A person's life carries a lot of momentum from the past that tumbles them about heedlessly upon trying to change to be something new.

Midlife Crisis is an unfortunate label applied to those working through these transitional times of their life. So the first step to understanding this process is to understand what crisis is: Crisis is a turning point when change must happen to prevent the break down of the former order of things. Crisis is not a time of trouble: unless doing (sic) nothing. Crisis is a time for transformation and opportunity."

He offers a free online book or download for those interested in experiencing the Tao Way.

Mid-Life Man-ifesto!

Hugh at Gaping Void is my new favorite thinker. "I'm interested in changing the world [however you wish to interpret that statement]. And I believe gapingvoid readers tend to be interested in writers who feel the same. That's the quality we'll collectively be looking for, so please keep that in mind," he writes.

To submit your own man-ifesto, go to GapingVoid.com and Change the World 500 words at a time.

He asked my other favorite writer/thinker for his take. Here's what Seth Godin had to say:

"Does it take 500 words to change things?

Probably not. It probably takes less than a hundred, plus a secret ingredient.

The secret ingredient is your desire to actually do something about it. To take action, to believe that it’s worthwhile, to confront what feels like a risk but really isn’t. The secret ingredient is to ignore excuses, abandon procrastination and stop looking for proof.

So, where’s my manifesto?, he asks." Is his a Mid Life Manifesto or what?

Man's search for meaning begins with you. Visit my new site, Search For Meaning, at www.manspurpose.com.

Thoughts on Man's Purpose in Life

He quotes Voltaire, Sir Thomas More and Theodore Roosevelt, refers to Aristotle and Luther, and presents extracts from the I Ching... from the grave.

Admiral H.G. Rickover, known as the Father of the Nuclear Navy, lectured at the Morgenthau Memorial Lecture series some time ago under the auspices of the Carnegie Council, the Voice for Ethics in International Policy, but his vision of man's purpose and passion resonates into the Cosmos.

He expounds in his lecture, Thoughts on Man's Purpose in Life, about the principles of existence, principles that have been debated for thousands of years by philosophers and common men.

Essentially, they are these

• Responsibility. It forces man to become involved.
• Perseverance. Without perseverance, ambition and sense of responsibility evaporate.
• Excellence. Happiness comes from the full use of one's power to achieve excellence.
• Creativity. To create you must care. You must have courage to speak out.
• Courage. To have courage means to pursue your goals and to satisfy your responsibilities, even though others may stand in the way...

The great end of life is not knowledge, but action.

"It is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled, or how the doer of deeds might have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat, and dust, and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms; the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he wins, knows the triumphs of high achievement; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

Theodore Roosevelt, Man in the Arena

And finally, Admiral Rickover leaves us with this:

"To seek and accept responsibility, to persevere, to be committed to excellence, to be creative and courageous, to be unrelenting in the pursuit of intellectual development, to maintain high standards of ethics and morality, and to bring these basic principles of existence to bear through active participation in life—these are some of my ideas on the goals that must be met to achieve meaning and purpose in life."

Admiral Hyman George Rickover
Thoughts on Man's Purpose in Life
Carnegie Council

Visionary Men

As I mentioned in a previous post, I search online for interesting or unusual information about men, men's issues, mid-life crisis and male menopause. So when an interview with Frank Herbert, of "Dune" sci-fi fame, popped up in my inbox from Google Alerts, my curiosity was piqued.

I'm not a particular fan of sci-fi (sorry), so imagine my surprise to discover that this guy's got something to tell me. Here's an excerpt (with some paraphrasing):

A list of his literary achievements would hardly serve to sum up this unique individual. The Washington State author staunchly maintains that any person's life should consist of much more than his or her work role (even if that role is a prominent one) . . . so he puts a lot of energy into his "nonprofessional" time. In keeping with his beliefs, Frank's a devoted father, spouse, and family man.

Equally important, Mr. Herbert is an outgoing social commentator who combines a strong sense of traditional values with a radical's zest for questioning (and even parodying) the basic assumptions of our culture.

Even though he tries to write entertaining, future-oriented stories, his books always contain messages that he believes are relevant to our situation today.

Herbert: To put my beliefs simply: I think we ought to be loyal to our friends . . . we ought to be truthful . . . we ought to be supportive of family members . . . and we ought to provide one another with help directly instead of delegating our good deeds to institutions.

I don't like governmental "helping"—or any kind of public charity system—because I learned early on that our society's institutions often weaken people's self-reliance and damage family bonds as well. Take education, for instance. . . . Today, though, the professional education establishment assumes that the family doesn't know what its own members need or want. The result is a classic failure . . . an institutionalized system that does more harm than good.

. . . We have to learn to recognize that we're always going to make some mistakes, and-knowing that-we shouldn't tie our careers and self-esteem to decisions that could later prove to be the wrong ones. People must be able to say freely, "Hey, that turned out not to be such a good idea. I'd better not do that anymore."

The interview continues with Herbert's views on ecology, environmentalism, technopeasantry, advocating the development of alternative fuels, big government, the dangers of technology and man's essential interdependence.

He calls for people to adopt a questioning state of mind that deliberately avoids set solutions, but, he says, "I don't believe in simple answers."

Here's the kicker: I didn't realize until I finished reading and sat thinking about how this might be relevant to my readers when I discovered that the interview was almost 25 years old!

While Frank Herbert physically passed on in 1986, his views are as relevant today as ever.

If you say, "I don't want that to happen," and all the while you are making it happen, which thing are we to believe? Do we believe the words or do we believe the body? Soul Catcher

Go to Mother Earth News for the complete interview.