Is Brad Pitt experiencing male menopause, a mid-life crisis or just your run-of-the-mill identity crisis?
I'm surprising even myself by weighing in on the latest news of the Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt breakup, but I just finished reading the much talked about "Vanity Fair" interview with Aniston, and it got me thinking. Since this blog represents my take on men and men's issues, I decided to comment.
How did the happy life they'd planned drift so off course?
Aniston talks about the ebb and flow of relationships. "What's fantastic about marriage is getting through those ebbs and flows with the same person and looking across the room and saying, 'I'm still here. And I still love you.' You re-meet, reconnect."
Judith Shervan, Ph.D. writes about the magic of differences in her book "Be Loved for Who You Really Are." If we embrace our differences rather than resist them, she shows how our intimate relationships can grow and flourish.
According to one friend, Jen wanted to work it out and Brad didn't. "I don't think he knew what he wanted," the friend said. Jed Diamond discusses this seemingly Jekyll and Hyde behavior in a recent blog post.
Many men are not prepared for losses that can threaten our sense of security or our manhood. To acknowledge our vulnerability, even to ourselves, makes us even more fearful. Before we are even aware that some life event has shaken the very foundations of our peace of mind, we deny that the event has affected us. We may even forget that it even happened. But our soul knows and our soul is terrified.
In hindsight, I can say that my first marriage ended because he didn't want to work it out. I can empathize when Jen's says "I just don't know what happened." I didn't either. I'm grateful for one advantage mid-life provides: Perspective.
I've learned more about the waxing and waning of my marital vows in the last five years than I have in the past 20. I relate with men when there sense of security is threatened. I've been tempted to bolt at regular intervals in my marriage, especially when money issues triggered deeply held fears. And we've worked through it separately and together.
I applaud those men who have the courage to stay committed even when they don't know who they are or what they want. Eventually, we must face ourselves. The person by your side could just be the best friend you've ever had.
photo credit: wvs via photopin cc
