Following is my response to a reader who wrote me asking for advice on why his sex life has stagnated now that he's in a new marriage. Here's what I said:
Charlie,
Not knowing your age, I can offer a couple of suggestions depending on a few details. Did you enjoy an active sex life before you married? If so, often what can happen after marrying your lover you begin to view her more as a "wife" or "mother," which brings to your mind your own Mom. These images floating around in your subconscious can cause a deflation, shall we say, in your desire. If you think this is the case, try this two-step visualization:
1) In your mind's eye, conjure a picture of your own Mom in her role as wife (image #1) and mother (image #2). When these two pictures are clear, merge them into one image. An odd image may result from this process. Ignore it because it's just your wacky subconscious trying to trick you. Trust yourself.
Then destroy this image in any creative way you can think of. Laser it, burn it, cut it up. Just let it flow into the ether.
2) Create another image of your kind, beautiful, wonderful spouse with whom you enjoy a great and loving friendship. Make this image as real as possible: imagine what she's wearing, the color of her hair, the sound of her voice, the smell of her skin. Then enter the picture as the man YOU ARE and hold her close. Take as long as you need to fuse with this loving image. Observe what your body tells you and release when you feel ready.
At the minimum, this exercise will release tension you didn't know you were holding. A low sex drive is usually the result of tension or distracted mind.
Also, know that every marriage has its ebbs and flows where sex is concerned. From my experience, when my relationship is on solid ground, our sex life is fine. In other words, when it happens, it happens and we don't think too much about it. It's wonderful and life goes on. BUT, when there are problems in communication, money issues, family strain, etc. our sex life is the first thing to go. You may want to look at this aspect as well.
You've taken the most important step in asking the question.
