King of Your Castle or Bowing to a Queen Bee?

Elliott Katz, in his book Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants, describes a situation where the husband gave in to the demands of his wife for a bigger house, one they couldn't afford. She promised to go back to work to help pay for it and then didn't keep her promise. Eventually, they separated.

"She might want a bigger house, but what you both need is a peaceful home," Grandpa said (p. 101.)

This story came to mind after striking up a conversation with one of my husband's colleagues at a pre-holiday party. He complained that his wife wanted a pool, his daughter wanted her own bathroom, and the house hadn't been updated in eight years.

She, like the woman in the story, had agreed to go back to work when their daughter entered first grade. Well, that day has arrived and she's dragging her feet much to the consternation of her husband.

He wants to start his own business but needs the support of a full time salary and the benefits that come with it. That he needs her support was clear, but what I heard was a whining complaint when an adult decision is needed.

We make decisions every day and, when circumstances change, we make new decisions. To have a happy, peaceful home requires that couples sit down and ask "What sacrifices are we willing to make to create the kind of future we want?"

There is nothing more stressful to a relationship than money issues. Over the last five years, my husband and I have downsized, and we are planning to downsize further because the vision for our future has changed. Every year of married life requires decision-making. Some decisions we've made blindfolded, some decisions were informed, sometimes "we threw caution to the wind." But we made the decisions together.