Getting What You Want In Life

I say "Everyone should do exactly what they want." Before your comments rain down upon my narcissistic head, let me explain by way of example.

Here's a typical scenario across America every single Saturday night:

Bob: "Do you want to go to a movie?"

Carol: "Sure. What do you want to see?"

Bob: "I don't care. What do you want to see?"

Carol: "I was thinking of seeing The Notebook, but only if you want to."

Bob: "That's fine, as long as you want to see the movie."

Afterward the couple grabs a bite to eat at a Chili's.

Bob: "God. That movie was insufferable!"

Carol: "I thought you wanted to see it."

Bob: "Only because you suggested it."

Carol: "What do you mean I suggested it? You asked me what I wanted to see!"

And on and on it goes. Instead of a pleasant shared experience, they both feel alienated and for the life of them, they don't know why.

Because they didn't ask for what they wanted.

Here's another way the scene could have played out, beginning with a statement of want.

Bob: "I'd like to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show Saturday night. Do you have any objection to that?"

Carol: "I've seen that show so many times; I could replay it in my sleep. But, you know, there's a revival of the Sound of Music at midnight that I've been dying to catch. People dress up as their favorite character and sing along to all the songs. How about that?"

Bob: "If I stuffed myself into Lederhosen, people would mistake me for a German sausage. And you know I can't sing."

Carol: "Well I know Alice wanted to see this revival. Why don't I call her and see if she and Ted are free. You two can watch the midnight show of Rocky Horror, and we can cry watching the Sound of Music without embarrassing you two. We'll meet up afterward for drinks."

Bob: "That sounds like a great plan!"

Don't believe Mick Jaggar: You can get what you want. First, you need to know what you want. Second, make a statement of that desire. Third, let the discussion evolve so that you both get what you want.

Your partner will be thrilled with this kind of clarity. Trust me.